One time, in early 2000, i said to God, "Lord, I wanna die, please get me now."
A few days later , i had this dream. I saw in my dream that my body was already in a casket and about to be buried nine feet below the ground but before that happened, i said, "hey, wait, i need to put on some make up on my face first before you bury me." So i was given time to put on some make up (weird). Then when i had already my make up , i was put back to the casket. When the casket was about to be buried again, suddenly, i said, "no, i'm not yet ready to die, I still have missions to fulfill." After that statement, i was awaken. Weird dream but it directly talked to me that i still have missions to fulfill and it was not yet my time although in reality, i was already asking God to get me.
We really don't know when God is going to get us. Anytime, God can but are we ready to die ?
I know that i wasn't ready that time because i still have missions to fulfill but spiritually, i was ready. I was ready to face God because i already accepted Him as my personal Lord and Savior and the Bible says that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16). Our life eternally would only be secured if we already accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior.
In our family, we are very open to talk about death. Before my father died, he said that he didn't want to be cremated because "it's painful" (hahaha...who would feel the pain of being cremated when you are already dead?). But he was still cremated when he died, it was not that we didn't fulfill his request, it was just that there was already a unit in a columbarium for whoever would die first in the family .So my father's body needed to be cremated and be put there.
When i die, i told my family especially to my sister Tess whom i am living with right now, that they should put my most beautiful picture on my casket and that they're going to make a video tribute for me that has all my pictures from friendster and facebook (just like what we did as a tribute to my father).
When i die, i know my family would miss me so much especially during special events because i'm always the events planner and coordinator . I do the script, the program, the talent search from our family members- i discovered Ate Tess to act as "Mike Inipis" for our 24 oras skit during my father's 1st year death anniversary and i also made her as Lola Basyang during my niece's 7th birthday celebration and i contributed most of my time, effort, abilities and talents just to make every occasion meaningful. When we created a video tribute for my father during his death, i was the one who wrote the script with the help of my sister Odette and the contributions of my brothers Rani and Rodel and the talent of my nephew Alvin in movie maker which my bro Rani later on directed.
My life in the family is indeed fulfilling and i could say that they would really miss me when i die.
But of course i still have so many dreams that i haven't seen fulfilled yet . There are still a lot of things God has laid in my heart that are not yet fulfilled that's why maybe, in that dream, i said, "im not yet ready to die, i still have missions to fulfill" and i could still say the same thing by now.
Paul said in the book of Philippians, "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me."
Like Paul, i want to live a fruitful life while i live.But whatever happens, i'm just entrusting myself to God. I can say that i'm ready to die anytime because i already accepted the Lord as my personal Lord and Savior . But if God would still give me more years to live, i pray that i would be able to do and accomplish the things God has laid in my heart and that i would always be a woman with a mission and my dream is that, when it is really time for me to die, i would say the same thing Paul has said,
"For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."
And on my epitaph, i would like this to appear, "Mari Ann Rose "Mariah" F.Gadapan....a woman with a mission...who fought the good fight of faith...who has finished the race and has kept the faith. All glory belongs to my loving God, Creator and Savior!"
(disclaimer: i'm just sharing my thoughts on death...I'm not yet dying, no worries:))
read also my writing about my father's death.
Copyright © 2010 by Mari Ann Rose "Mariah" F. Gadapan . All rights reserved worldwide.