Friday, May 28, 2010

Remembering My Father's Death-May 28,2009


Today is my father's one year death anniversary. But we will have a simple tribute to him tomorrow.

I remember last year when he was dying in the hospital bed, one day before he died, he asked one of my siblings (who was assigned to take care of him that night in the hospital) to call us through the phone from our own places and he said that he wanted to see us and tell us something because he felt he was about to die within 24 hours. So each of us hurried to the hospital. It was past 2am.

When we entered the hospital, the guard already knew that we are Gadapan family (because everyday, there were so many visitors in my father's room (us-his own family, his brothers and sisters, our relatives, our neighborhood and his friends). It was so memorable to each one of us. His hospitalization re-united us with the special people in our lives.

When we arrived in his room, he told us everything he wanted to say. We asked how will things go and he said that he wanted us to help each other and love our dear mother whom he dearly loved.

Although everyone of us were so sad that time, he still made some funny comments to his single children and that includes me. He said, "Kayong mga wala pang asawa, sikapin nyo na makag-asawa kayo. Ikaw Che (that's how he called me)... malaki pa ang pag-asa mo na makapag-asawa." And another funny thing he said, "pag may nanligaw sa inyo, yakapin nyo agad, wag nang ,magpakipot." Hahaha.That was the advice of a desperate father who was wanting to see his grandchildren from us the soonest possible. I couldn't blame him for saying that because according to one of my uncles who was so closed to him, one fear of my father was not to see some of his children's family and if he was to be asked, he still didn't want to die...he still wanted to live to see each of his children living  a good life with their families. But we assured him that we're going to be alright because Jesus holds  our future.

On that day, too, our father said to one of our Pastors who visited him in the hospital that although he wanted to live more, he already wanted to rest because he couldn't bear his pain anymore and he didn't want us his family to suffer from taking care of him everyday.

That day (May 27, 2009), he still fought for his life...he said during the evening when he was visited by his friends that "Life is good...how i wanted to live more..." Then the following day, May 28, he breathed his last and went to the Lord.

I still remember that night when he breathed his last. It was past seven in the evening at the hospital. Before that time came, i just stayed beside his bed, sitting in a chair near his bed while a christian song was being played.... my head was near his head while my tears were falling. The song Love So Amazing became his theme song while he was dying. That song was transferred from Ptr Joey's cellphone to my brother's cellphone via bluetooth and that was played again and again until my father died.

Before he died, he was also able to converse through the phone with our sister Odette who was already in the U.S at that time (my sister came home a few days before our father died but when she went back to the US, that was the time when our father died).Although it was really hard for him to talk, he was able to listen to what his daughter in a far place was wanting to say. 

And before he died, he was able to ask forgiveness and forgive the one whom he had misunderstanding with.

Going back to the scenario when my father was dying, i was a little bit questioning God,questions that didn't mean blame but it was just simple questions like: "God, is it really time for him to die, did we do something that we can really do in order to save him from death?....(although we can't really save a person from death)...Is it really time to give him up to your hands and did we doubt your power to heal as we let him go to your hands?" With those questions in mind, i left the room and asked my sister to talk to me. Our uncle also assured me that if it's God's time for him to go, then we should let him go and we should not be guilty that we didnt do our part.

After a few minutes, our cousin called us to go back to our father's room and when we came back, he was about to die. His oxygen monitor could no longer monitor the air he was breathing...his heart rate monitor also stopped but his blood pressure was 70/50 if i could still remember and that time i whispered to his ears and said, "If you can still hear me and Jesus is wanting you to go, just tell Jesus, "Jesus, i commit my spirit to you...I commit my spirit to you Jesus...Jesus, i commit my spirit to you." After saying that, i asked the nurse who was getting his blood pressure to call the doctor (because the doctor would be the one who would really declare if the patient is already dead) but before the doctor declared that our father is already dead, i was already crying so loud that time...because i saw the vision of my father smiling with Jesus...i was crying so loud outside but inside of me, i was so joyful because Jesus assured me that i didn't need to be guilty that we wanted our father to already rest...that it's already time for him to go and celebrate his 77th birthday there in heaven and celebrate father's day with our Heavenly Father...and most of all, Jesus assured me in that vision that our father is saved...and he is already happy in heaven. We prayed for his salvation almost 24 years and God is true to his promise that as we believe in the Lord Jesus,we will be saved—we and our household -Acts 16:31.

And even if our father died because of lung cancer, we didn't doubt that God can heal him. Although he wasn't healed physically, he was healed spiritually...and that was the greatest miracle that happened in his life.

I miss my father...yes..but the things I've learned from his death will always be part of the good memories God gave me and our family. I know he is already happy in heaven and someday we will see him again...

He wanted to be called "Tatay" but every time he and i talked alone, i called him "dad", sometimes "popskee", sometimes "dadskee" and he just smiled whenever he heard that from me.

I miss you popskee! See you someday but not too soon. I love you so much!

This was the song that was played again and again when he was dying: LOVE SO AMAZING



Copyright © 2010 by Mari Ann Rose "Mariah" F. Gadapan . All rights reserved worldwide.


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2 comments:

  1. the joy of knowing (and being assured) that your loved one is saved...is really incomparable and beyond words.

    i am desiring the same for my lola esen. i hope that she would get to know and accept Jesus personally as her Lord and Savior.

    i tried sharing the message of salvation to her but i always ran out of words whenever I'm about to talk to her

    she is sick. inatake na sya ng stroke twice. it's not yet too late...yeah, di pa huli ang lahat...please pray for my lola.

    nice tribute for your tatay, mariah. -.-

    ReplyDelete
  2. thanks kate! i'll pray for ur lola...there's no impossible with God!

    ReplyDelete

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